I’ve always been known as a bit of a schemer. Having a plan or project on the go has always been as crucial to me as knowing the time, or day of the week – it’s just something that’s always been needed in order for me to produce a stable sense of direction and purpose. These “goals” would pop up every few months, and I’d latch onto them with all my strength. They became everything, and I loved it. I wouldn’t really notice if I didn’t have a scheme in action, but I certainly n

A year ago today, I stopped trying to hold together and I let myself fall apart. I didn't know it then, but that was actually a really good thing. I'd known for quite a while that I wasn't quite steady. I could tell that, at some point, things would fall. I knew whatever way it played out, it wouldn't be pretty. ​​A year ago today was the day I had to enter Sunnybrook's Adolescent Psych ward. It wasn't my first inpatient admission, but it was the first time that I let myself

A life on the inside of an inpatient psych ward is a claustrophobic one. All the small, broken pieces of many lives are suddenly together, separated only by doors, connected only by a hallway and lack of hope. This blank, white, hospital space kept me confined tightly with no way to avoid the close questions I kept finding next to me, about why living can hurt for so many people. Part of the reason, I think, at least for me, is that taking up space is a real challenge. Thinki

​At the end of August, I found myself to be making a wobbly exit from a tumble drier sort of year. After somersaulting and tripping through an endless cycle of turbulence, I’d come out stiffer, starched, and deeply wrinkled- though, institutionally clean. I was very much not in the headspace for big questions concerning my future. During grade 12, I'd gone from crinkling to cracking. But since it was grade 12, that meant it was time for everyone to ask– "What next?", "Where n

In terms of stability and confidence, I’m probably the last person who should share their words. But I’ve been working really hard at doing what scares me, and that includes being a bit louder. In the past year, I’ve had to think about what was missing in my life. And I think, partly, that was words. Words, and people. I was born "Ready", but I find that these days, I very seldom feel that I am. Whenever I'm not feeling ready, (or not quite feeling like myself 🙂), I've foun