The privilege of open communication
After thinking a lot about judgement, I'm reminded that I am currently extremely privileged to have the space available to be open and vulnerable. It's the sort of self check that brings my fear of sharing into perspective. My every word and action is always ruled by the terrors I believe I might face by being open. On one level, there's the fear of backlash and cruelties, but far more feared, were the hidden shadowy layers of the all-silent opinion. When we allow words and ideas out, we lose a degree of control, when they're read by others, they become altered as they mesh against the reader's own understandings. It can be difficult to battle the fear that once words are out there, they might encounter layers of passive aggressive negativity. Sometimes the scariest judgements are those that are unspoken and invisible– those are the kind that we're never able to confront. But – an important part of seeing that fear, is remembering that since it's a fear of something invisible, there's nothing to say those harsh judgements exist at all. It reminds me how privileged I am, at this point in my life, to be able to have access and safety for free speech. Though I still cower behind an open gate to freedom due to anxieties of what people might think. We have been given so much power by simply having the choice to select words that share our understandings. Even though at this time, I have the privilege to share and remain safe, I get held back by judgement. This means I'm fearing and discrediting a necessary part of critical thought. I say, “ I am not heard”…but maybe I need to be brave enough to say words with volume. I say “don’t judge”… but maybe I need to be brave enough to allow opinions to form about my formed opinions.