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“Don't judge me, but…”


Those words seem to get said in that order, a lot. “Don't judge me” -- it's a phrase that can stick. It can linger and echo its effects into all we choose to do or say.

(...though, like, don't judge me for saying this...but-)

Whenever I write any words, I'm accompanied by a powerful inclination to attach “don't judge me” to each letter. Revealing truth is terrifying. Allowing others to see how you organize words and thought puts you in a vulnerable position.

I had to change my mind about that though. Please. Do judge me. If I can find the courage to share my words, I've realized I'll also need the courage to own up to them.

Being judged is hard, but living with honesty includes living with judgement.

People always say to “be yourself” and it's taken me my whole life of hearing that advice to realize, you can't truly be yourself unless you can own up to who that self is, and find the courage to accept the judgements of others. Now when I say that, I'm talking about educated judgements. Of course, we can never judge for what someone can't control, or, skip the judgement process altogether and make meaningless assumptions. We should however, judge words. Judge actions. Even, judge me for saying “judge me”. Maybe you don't like that idea. Maybe you think it's undeveloped, or I'm expressing it in the wrong way. That's okay.

I've often felt too scared to say concrete ideas. Too scared to set in stone anything that could linger long enough to be seen, reviewed or assessed. Though that means I was too scared to be me. I could even go as far as to say that means I was too scared to have a “me”.

 

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