Today I’ve been thinking a lot about contrasting emotions. This is mainly because of the huge amount of both fear, and courage that I get from facing things that scare me. This is really apparent in topics I’ve already been quite open about, such as… being open. It scares me every time, but it makes me feel a little more stable as well.
Something I really care about is checking in with people in an honest way. It’s important to remember that everyone needs check ins. Everyone. I know that honest discussions (…or posts) like these aren’t for everyone, all the time, and the fear of that barrier is a large part of my hesitancy to share. Though this week especially I’ve been reminded that we all know struggle in our own ways and hearing truth can help. I’m still trying to navigate into an outpatient program, but my openness to talk about it has brought about perspectives I was really interested in hearing. In certain times when it feels right, I’ve begun to challenge myself to be a little more truthful– just to see where things go, and how ready the world is for it. A comment that stood out particularly was in regards to group therapy.
They were lovely, human, and respectful to me, but it was the other patients that they were cautious about, “Those others. You never know, they might be really crazy”. Without launching on a tangent about “crazy” and “really crazy”, one of the things I felt needed addressing was this use of, “others”. Others is a word that I’ve already been mulling over for a long time. In the singular second that it takes to say that word, two groups emerge. An “us” and a “them”. In that second, the humans that are being discussed are now separated and distanced. I think it’s good to be aware of moments like these, because it’s in this gap that empathy can become sympathy or judgement – it becomes a more distanced and less human way of looking at a removed experience. When we create a barriers of understanding, we forget that we all have emotions and even the difficult emotions can be worked through in a positive way when we find connection through them and take the time to listen to one another.